Kind grandma runs in-home daycare for her 5 grandchildren, gets accused of neglect by her entitled son-in-law because she didn't follow his inane rules: 'I can't watch more than 1 additional child while babysitting [his baby], I can't cook'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 8, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Childcare is one of the most expensive parts of raising a young kid. Some parents' entire paycheck only covers childcare, forcing them to choose between forking up the cash or sacrificing their long-term career. As the incoming Vice President has said, grandparents can be a cheap alternative to daycares that take mortgage-sized payments every month. Not every parent is lucky enough to have their parents alive, living in the same area as them, and willing to care for their kids as needed. Parents with such generosity and good fortune in their family should be grateful because bonding with a grandparent for an extended period can be so meaningful for the kid and the grandparent alike. 

Of course, there are situations where grandparents who offer to babysit vagrantly go against their parent's wishes and do harm to the child. The story we covered about the grandma who put Froot Loops in her grandchild's bottle is a perfect example. But the grandma in this story did nothing to hurt the child; she communicated her boundaries and still got dragged through the mud for it. 

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    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    I did a work program with the local clerk of court's office when I was in high school. They hired me when I graduated, and I had my 30 service years before I turned 50. With 30 service years you can get your full pension at any age. I worked until my first grandchild was born, then I retired to be 'grandma daycare.' I have 5
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    grands 8 male from my stepson, 7 male from my son, 5 female and 18 month male from my daughter. I babysat all of them with no issues or complaints. I still keep the 18 month old Monday-Friday and the older ones Summer and school holidays.
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    My stepdaughter and her boyfriend has been non-stop drama since before the baby was born. When she was 10 weeks pregnant they presented a 3. page list of rules for when I was babysitting. They said if I didn't sign it, they wouldn't allow me to
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    babysit. I said that I understood their need to do what was best for their baby and I assured them that there would be no hurt feelings on my end when they made other childcare arrangements.
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    Some of the rules were almost understandable but most were down right ridiculous, and none of it was going to work for me. I don't remember them all but some examples are: I can't take the baby anywhere without their permission; I can't watch more than 1 additional child while babysitting; I can't cook; I had to provide the full name, dob and address of any potential visitors
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    ahead of time for their approval of the person being 'around' their child; they have to know anytime I have a guest over and know who it is and how long they stay; My 9 year old cat would have to be kept out of rooms where the baby would be, even when the baby wasn't there; I couldn't get another pet without their agreement.
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    When she was 7 months along they came back with revised rules in an attempt to compromise. I again let them know that their expectations were not going to fit with my life and they should just find other childcare.
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    Two days after my stepdaughter went back to work, she called and asked if I could keep Cullen the next day. I agreed but made it clear that I was going to provide safe, appropriate care according to my judgement and I wasn't going to deal with complaints or whatever that I was violating their rules because I wanted it very clear that I was not agreeing to any of that.
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    My stepdaughter was okay on the days she picked Cullen up and dropped him off. I felt like she was interrogating me every time she picked him up but it was tolerable but her boyfriend was downright r de. I got to the point where I actually spent Sunday dreading the start of the week because of dealing with both of them but especially his behavior.
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    At minimum he'd pick up Cullen, make a big deal of partially undress him, make at least one snide comment about my cat or if I had any grandchild over besides the 18 month old or if I had cooked or whatever. Then he'd say, I guess we don't have any choice but to put up with this for now. Or I guess you are happy that you won.
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    This went on for 4 months. I spoke to my stepdaughter several times about it and told her that obviously they are very unhappy with how I cared for Cullen and that they should really work on finding something else and that in the meantime he needed to be less vocal about it. It would get better for a day or two and then he'd start again.
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    It all came to a head as Thanksgiving was approaching. He was very verbal about the fact that he didn't want me to keep all my grandchildren over the break. I made it very clear that there would be a couple of days that I had all of them and that they needed to make other arrangements if they had a problem.
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    They didn't make other arrangements and when he picked Cullen up on the first day that I had all my grands, he was very r de and although nothing happened, everyone was happy, clean, fed, had a great day he said (to Cullen) that he was sorry that they had no choice except to leave him in an unsafe situation to be neglected.
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    I called my stepdaughter that night, relayed to her what was said and told her that she had two weeks to make other arrangements and that she needed to drop off and pick up Cullen during those two weeks and if her boyfriend came to drop him off I would refuse to keep him and if he picked him up I would not keep him again.
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    So things were better only dealing with her. At some point she asked me if I would keep him until January because they found someone but he couldn't start until then. I agreed. She picked Cullen up and dropped him off everything was fine.
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    New Year's Day several people sent me a screenshot of a post her boyfriend made on social media about how thankful he was that they were finally able to leave Cullen without worrying about his safety or him being neglected. He didn't outright name me or accuse me of anything specific but anyone who knows us, knows I was keeping him and the post implied plenty.
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    I was just happy that it was over. Friday she called me and said that their new childcare provider had told her that Cullen wasn't a good fit and that she couldn't bring him back Monday. She asked if I would start keeping him again. I told her that I was sorry for their situation but I really don't feel comfortable keeping him.
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    My husband and stepson both think I should watch Cullen under the agreement that Amanda drop him off and pick him up because they think her boyfriend is the big problem and that I should just do it for Cullen's sake. My stepson also commented that I'd probably be more willing to let it go if it had been a conflict with my daughter's husband.
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    My pension is about $4,000/month plus continuation of my health insurance. That's about 40% of our take home income if that matters. Aitah for refusing to start watching Cullen again?
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    Indepthinkingmom NTA. I read that gaslighting runs deep in that crowd. You were SO good with boundaries. Now they've slandered your name, called you unsafe and unfit, until they need you again. If your husband and stepson want to help them, they should! I'm guessing the example of your daughter/SiL doesn't include public shaming on Facebook. PS., those demands are nonsense and pretty funny considering they can't figure out their own lives but want to run your retirement. Good luck, because God f
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    Yuklan6502 God forbid that baby gets mobile and bumps their head or some other minor issue comes up. Can you imagine the sh storm Cullen's mom and dad would stir up if their baby ever got hurt at Grandma's?! Babies and toddlers (OMG especially toddlers!) get bumps, bruises, and scrapes as they get more mobile. I imagine they're the kind of people who would call CPS on
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    Grandma, which would close Grandma Daycare for weeks (at least). They definitely would talk sh on SM about her. If they want 1:1 childcare, they need to hire a nanny or someone needs to be a stay at home parent.
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    GenuineOgreX Yeah that couple is better off being someone else's headache than this sweet lady
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    FrostyMeasurement714 I don't think I've ever read a babysitting problem that wasn't just solely about "we can't afford anywhere else" but is actually about how toxic the parents are and nobody will take their money.
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    teresajs • 19h ago Top 1% Commenter ΝΤΑ No, you shouldn't put yourself through this "for Cullen's sake". Cullen will get cared for regardless. There's no need for you to set yourself on fire because your stepdaughter and her BF can't behave like normal human beings.
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    Your husband and stepson are welcome to offer free childcare and put up with this treatment if it's important to them. But you've done your time. Learn from that experience and don't let yourself be put in the same situation again.
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    blackbird24601 • 18h ago theres a reason the licensed daycare wont keep him its the boyfriend the liability alone would make me pause. he could ruin your lives
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  • They could get a full-time nanny for their baby who probably could follow most of their rules (though I don't know how she'd get around never cooking unless she was given a vast takeout budget), but either they can't afford that kind of luxury, or they're too foolish to understand that they will never get what they desire in a daycare. 

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    Groovy YaYa He has accused you, publicly, of neglect. A crime. I wouldn't for that reason alone.
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    CraftyHon She was publicly accused of neglect and child endangerment. I'd ask the husband and stepson if they are willing to work with people who call them criminals.
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    Visible-Giraffe5221 Let your husband and stepson know they are welcome to watch the child and put up with the parents' outrageous, r de and ungrateful behavior anytime they like. NTA. And poor Cullen seems to have 2 incompetent parents.
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    WeddingFickle6513 "Not a good fit" the child wasn't the problem. The parents showed out for the new provider and found out how a daycare handles that. You are taking a huge personal risk if you continue watching the child as is. They are willing to accuse you of ab e on social media. What's next? Making a police report? You need to write up your own contract with your rules and boundaries. Make sure to include the weekly fee for your services. Has your husband seen the social media posts slander
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    Trick-Statistician 10 It's only Jan 6th. It didn't take long for the boyfriend to screw up that situation!
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  • He was literally at the daycare for 3 days! It's a miracle that the grandma could last as long as she did under this kind of scrutiny.

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childcare Babies daycare family drama baby grandma son in law grandchildren grandmas in laws mother in law family grandparents grandson grandmother
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